we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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