She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Boobs are out for the taking
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
