he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
