You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
