Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
