good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
