There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
