I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
