I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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