new low.... made out with someone while peeing
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
