FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
