Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
