I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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