If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
