i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
