apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
