My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
