You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
