I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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