His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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