My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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