garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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