I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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