birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
