I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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