i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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