I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
