You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
