We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
