omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
