it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
