if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Randomize
