I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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