a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
