After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
