omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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