He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Bring me that man meat
not ubering you a puppy
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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