When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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