I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
