yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
