my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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