The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
