i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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