Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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