More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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