Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
