You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
