Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
