I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
