Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
