Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
