I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
