she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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