I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
