we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
