We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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