I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
