Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
