my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
