it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
They took my balls.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
