i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
