Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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