Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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