Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
