okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
