i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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