You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
