She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
