i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Your cock deserves a montage
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
