The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
People in love make me want to vomit
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
