Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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