Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
