I just pynch a tree in the face
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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