So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
