apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
