Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
